Many men and women suffer over body image issues. We try to eat healthy, work out and yet we can never measure up. For most of us, we just wear black in mourning for our pre-baby figures. We live in yoga pants and the idea of bathing suit shopping requires three stiff drinks and a Xanax. For me? I haven’t worn shorts in fifteen years.

Is the pressure to be thin too much? The actresses and models get skinnier and skinnier by the year. When did ZERO become a SIZE?

I actually happen to be a size 6-8-10-12-14-16-22 depending on where I shop.

And then, when I DO finally get drunk enough the urge to shop, I am greeted with this:

And then THIS:

Whatever happened to wanting to look like Marilyn Monroe or Jane Mansfield? Women used to be soft and curvy and sexy. Now we aspire to look like…